Pein in the Ass
by xotakux2002x
Summary: what happens when hidan's favorite joke goes too far? peinhidan, a bit of kakuhidan at the end. yaoi, oneshot.


Hidan grumbled to himself as he walked down the hall. Pein had called him to his office earlier that morning, with absolutely no explanation given as to why. Still, his partner had thrown him out of the room and wasn't going to let Hidan back in until he found out what Pein want. "Jashin-damned Pein in the ass," he muttered as his feet slowly carried him down the corridor and to the leader's office door.

The Jashinist stopped and knocked, walking inside when he heard "Enter."

Pein was sitting behind his desk, and appeared to be putting the finishing touches on a report sitting in front of him. Once done writing, he set aside the file and looked up to lock gazes with Hidan. "Ah, it's you."

"Duh," Hidan muttered softly.

Pein sighed and began rubbing his temples. "Hidan, please shut the door. Lock it, as a matter of fact." Hidan raised a brow, but did as told. "Hidan, I called you here to talk about your behavioral issues."

The leader slowly pushed his chair back and stood. "The fact is," the Akatsuki leader went on as he walked around to stand face to face with the masochist, "you have no respect for me, my position, or anything else that has to do with my leadership."

"So? I don't have a fucking ounce of respect for anyone in the hellhole," Hidan responded with a smirk.

"Hidan, you're going to change that," Pein threateningly growled. "We're not leaving here until you do."

This got a chuckle out of the zealot. "What are you gonna do, Pein in the ass?"

And at that point in time, the Akatsuki leader formulated a sick and twisted plan that could only have formed from years of exposure to heavy doses of daily yaoi.

Before Hidan could realize what was going on, Pein had pinned him to the office door by his throat, and wore a sadistic grin on his face. "I'm a pain in the ass, Hidan?" he inquired as his free hand began undoing the buttons on the zealot's cloak. "And how would you know that, hmm?"

"Um, I-"

Pein undid a few more clasps and then completely removed the zealot's cloak. "Why don't I show you how much of a pain in your ass I can be?" he taunted, his free hand moving to grab the zealot's crouch.

Hidan's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Not only was this encounter shattering any images he had of Pein being completely straight, but it set of multiple alarms in his head. There was one person that was allowed to touch him there, and it sure as hell wasn't his boss. "Pein-"

The leader seemed to have no interest in hearing the zealot's pleas, and tightened his hold on Hidan's throat to cut off oxygen to his airway. "Shut up, and I let you breathe," he proposed, pressing his body close to Hidan's as he spoke. Moments later, he raised a brow and looked down, before smirking. "My, does someone like being choked?" he queried as he saw a bulge forming in Hidan's pants.

"Fucking…bastard…" the zealot growled out.

"That's right, I remember now. You like pain, don't you?" Chuckling wickedly, the leader pulled the half-dressed Jashinist away from the door and threw him face-down onto the desk. "Very well then."

Hidan screamed as he felt something pierce his arm; although whether the cry was from agony or pleasure, he couldn't be certain. He looked to his right, and was shocked to see that Pein had driven a knife through his upper arm, and the metal now dug into the wooden desk below him, effectively pinning him down. Another wave of pain surged through his body, and he didn't have to look to the left to know that his other arm had received the same treatment. Shit, he was trapped now.

Pein laughed softly, and began to quietly undo the Jashinist's pants. "Hidan, this is your last chance to apologize, and show me a bit of respect," he cautioned.

"I'm gonna sacrifice you for this, you fucking asshole," Hidan hissed defiantly.

Pein merely rolled his eyes and stuck two fingers in his mouth. He was aware that lubing was a job normally left to the ukes, but he had the distinct feeling that Hidan would bite off the digits if he put them anywhere near the zealot's mouth. Extracting them, he roughly jammed the digits into Hidan at once, eliciting a scream from the Jashinist.

Suddenly, Pein's curiosity was peaked. He'd heard the other ukes moan, but had never been absolutely certain what caused these noises. Deciding this was the perfect chance to find out, he began moving the fingers within Hidan.

Hidan, in turn, bit down on his lower lip with enough force to draw blood. Hell would freeze over before he made any sounds for this bastard-"GAAAAAAH!"

The devil must be freezing right about now.

Pein raised a brow, and rubbed his fingers against that spot again. When Hidan let out a small, choked moan, he knew he'd found the zealot's sweet spot.

Using his free hand, the Akatsuki leader stroked himself to full hardness, and rapidly removed his fingers before thrusting his cock all the way into Hidan's tight hole.

The zealot gave a small cry, and Pein hissed through clenched teeth. He hadn't expected the masochist to be so tight. Slowly, the leader wrapped both hands around Hidan's hips, and began to harshly thrust into the Jashinist's body.

Hidan gave small cries whenever his prostate was hit, but other than that stayed quiet, silently vowing to brutally murder Pein in his sleep. Pein, on the other hand, was beginning to enjoy himself, and grunted softly as he came closer and closer to his climax.

The leader's movements became more and more erratic, and as he approached the edge he slip his hand under Hidan's body and began pumping the masochist's cock. Having his prostate slammed into while being jerked off was too much for the zealot, and with a sharp cry he exploded onto Pein's desk. Feeling the uke's walls close in around his cock set off the leader as well, and he climaxed moments later in the zealot's body.

Once he'd caught his breath, Pein calmly pulled out off the zealot, taking the time to fix his clothing and wipe the sweat from his brow before removing the blades from Hidan's body. Once free, the Jashinist began swearing at the leader, but was too spent to carry out any of his threats at the moment. He settled for picking up his clothes, and then storming to the door. With a declaration of, "You really are a fucking Pein in the ass," he marched outside and slammed the door behind him.

Pein turned to his desk and sighed. "That better not stain."

The next day, Pein was walking through the base, making his normal rounds. Eventually, he came into the living room and sat down on the couch to watch a bit of TV.

He didn't notice the other person walking up, until they were seated beside him and had picked up the remote from the coffee table before them. "Pein," Kakuzu stated in acknowledgement.

"Kakuzu," the leader replied. For a few minutes, they said nothing as the banker calmly flipped through the TV channels.

"Hidan and I had a very interesting talk last night," Kakuzu suddenly said aloud.

"You don't say," Pein replied.

"Most interesting. He was rather upset by what happened. Sore too," the miser went on, still looking at the television and not his leader.

"Was he," the leader murmured softly. By now, he was praying to escape death.

"Still, I imagine he did something to merit the retribution he received. I know very well he can be annoying at times, and needs to be made to respect authority."

The leader breathed a silent sigh of relief. Perhaps he wouldn't die! "It's good you think that way-"

"If you ever touch my Hidan again, I'll castrate you with my bare hands and choke you to death with your own balls," Kakuzu threatened as he continued playing flip channel. Pein stayed in his seat for a few more seconds before bolting from the room at top speed. "That's what I thought." Kakuzu sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "That bastard can be such a pain in the ass…"


End file.
